Prayer Mountain

Last weekend I got to go on a  retreat for women in ministry. It was clear across the country but Eli was gracious to release me and take care of the boys and everything at home. An extra blessing was that I arrived a whole day earlier than the rest of the ladies so I had some quiet and alone time. My main prayer was that I would be able to hear whatever the Lord wanted to tell me.

The place was beautiful as you can see. I spent the first afternoon walking around, sitting and soaking in the view and praying. 

 One night we enjoyed a bonfire and worshipping the Lord who shines light in the darkness.

I couldn't help but take pictures of all the beautiful flowers!

So, did I hear from the Lord? I sure did and His message to me was convicting and comforting at the same time. 

        #1: I need to sing a new song

                I realize that since this year began I'd been dreading it knowing that Isaac would graduate and move back to the States for college. Instead of celebrating how far he's come and that he's a capable adult thriving in his new life in America, I dug myself a pit of self pity and have been feeling sorry for myself. Especially with Evan, our 2nd born, also applying for college this year, the "song" on repeat in my mind has been, "Life is hard, I'm sad, I don't want things to change." The Holy Spirit showed me that it's OK to grieve and feel sad but that shouldn't be the narrative constantly setting the mood for each day. I can rejoice and grieve at the same time. And God has been soooo good and I have sooo much to be thankful for. So my first big lesson is that I'm working on shifting my heart "song" to more thankfulness so I can recognize all the beauty in my life and family.

        #2: I am enough. God loves me no matter what.

                Over the years that I've been in ministry I have consistently battled lies that I'm not enough. I'm not doing enough. I should be doing more. I'm failing. I can't do it all but I want to do it all. Instead of finding contentment in the beautiful things I've done each day: raising my toddler, homeschooling my  kindergartener, mentoring my house helper, and all the other things that God gives me to do each day, I focus on what I didn't do. I didn't call so and so. I should have gone to visit so and so. Another repeated message in my head of what I didn't do and how I fell short that day instead of being content with what I  did do (which is usually quite a lot!)

                I still have some work to do on this one. I need to dig into God's Word to see what He says about this and write them on posters or notecards as reminders to preach truth to myself every day. I know I can't do it all and I'm not meant to. My calling is to do what God wants me to do each day. 

So that was my incredible retreat. I am so grateful for that special time away and I came back so refreshed and recharged. My circumstances and life hasn't changed but I have deeper joy and renewed passion for my season of life.