Our Big Happy Family

The guys before an epic 3 day motorcycle trip

This month has been very full with ALL our children at home. It's meant LOTS of cooking, cleaning and laundry. But it also reminds me how grateful I am for every member of our family of seven. During this time of year it's so meaningful to reflect and consider all that God has done in our family and all that He's given us. 

I wanted to post and share some of the highlights of our last few weeks:

 

The best we could do at getting a family picture last Sunday before church :)

Thankfully the boys like to help in the kitchen. Isaac and Evan have both taken an Advanced Cooking class so Evan even  made enchiladas for dinner one night without any help from me. In the photo above they were busy rolling out gingerbread and sugar cookies.

Last week we threw a special party at our church to welcome back all our youth back from a challenging year of school. It wasn't easy for many to pay school fees and pass their grade level after being out of school for 2 full years due to Covid. So we wanted to give thanks to the Lord and honor our teens. Our time was complete with speeches, prayer, singing, testimonies, games and of course 3 kinds of meat!

I love when I can join in with the women of the church to cook for special occasions.

Even though this is a very full season for ministry and friendships we are trying to take special time as a family. Can you believe we have this fancy pool spot right in our own town?!

Another highlight has been watching the World Cup games and projecting it on the wall. 

This is always a common scene when the BIGS are home - tools out all the time and some kind of project going on. The boys spent a few weeks getting their motorcycles in perfect condition for their 3 day trip that they've been dreaming of taking for at least a year now. This mama will breathe a sigh of relief when they're all home safely!

 And last of all, this is the sign that the hot season is coming: the two Littles cool off in basins of water on our porch. Judah is a year old now and we're hoping he starts to walk by Christmas.

Judah's Adoption Story

 On October 11, 2021 I wrote an email to our adoption agency saying that we were going to wait for only one more month before closing our profile. We had originally planned to return to Uganda after Christmas. Only 11 days later, on October 22, 2021, we got a phone call from our agency saying there was a couple interested in placing their child in our family. We talked with them on the phone and seemed to connect. A few minutes after our phone conversation we received confirmation that they chose us. We were in total shock! The baby girl was due November 27, 2021 so we had a little more than a month and that was all!

On November 12, one year ago today, we got a phone call around 1 pm that Mama L was in labor and on her way to the hospital. We weren't expecting it to happen this soon but it didn't take us long to call Eli's parents to come stay with the boys and pack our bags. We drove through the night to get to the state of his birth and on our way got the phone call that he was born and we heard the news: "It's a BOY!" We laughed out loud because we knew we were just destined to be a house full of boys. :)

We checked into a hotel when we arrived and got a bit of sleep. Around 2 pm we went to visit the parents in the hospital with a basket of treats and snacks for their hospital stay. It was our first time to meet face to face and very surreal but we hit it off and had a nice visit. We found out that Judah was in the NICU because he'd had some breathing problems shortly after being born. We didn't get to meet him that day but Judah's first parents invited us to come back the next morning.

That evening we also got a call from their lawyer that we needed to be back at the hospital by 9 am the next morning because they were ready to sign the adoption papers. We couldn't believe it! The next morning was a Sunday and shortly after we arrived at the hospital, we met with the lawyer and signed papers. The birth parents had already signed their papers. I kept thinking, "Is this really happening?!" After signing the papers we went up to visit with the parents again. Mama L offered to take us up to the NICU to see him since we still hadn't met him in person and he was already 2 days old. We had all signed the paperwork but the hospital was working on how to get Eli and I our own ID bracelets so we could be with the baby in the NICU now that we were officially his legal guardians. Mama L was so gracious to take us up to meet him. He was so tiny in his little isolet. We couldn't see much of him. He was swaddled tightly and the pacifier took up most of his little face. The first thing I noticed was all the blond fuzz on his little head and I was instantly head over heels in love! We didn't get to hold him but we sat and watched him sleep for a bit.

Since it was the weekend the normal hospital social worker wasn't working so the hospital told us to come back Monday morning so they could figure out how to get us ID bands to go up to the NICU to stay with Judah. It was hard to leave him but we went back to the hotel to get a good night's sleep so we could be back bright and early the next morning. They gave us our bracelets and we finally got to hold our boy. We had to wear gowns, gloves and masks, but it still felt soooo good to cuddle our new little 5 pound son.

My first time holding Judah

When we found out he was a boy we knew we wanted to name him Judah and had a middle name picked out as well. Judah's birth parents had originally told us they wanted us to choose the name but in the hospital we found out they had named him Caleb. So to honor them we kept Caleb as his middle name. What a beautiful name: Judah Caleb

We learned that we could stay in the NICU with Judah from 8 am to 6:45 pm but then we had to leave for the night. It was hard to leave him every night but we made sure to enjoy our last nights of solid sleep. Eli and I realized that as much as we loved holding and caring for Judah every day in the NICU we also needed time to go home and shower and eat, so we started a routine where I would take half the day and then Eli would take the other half. We're so thankful we did this because we ended up being in the NICU with Judah for 8 days.

On November 23rd. we went into the hospital as usual and found out that Judah would be discharged that day! We called his birth parents to see if they'd like to come see him before we left the state because we also heard that we'd be clear to leave the state the following day. They came and we gave them time alone with Judah for about an hour and then we all signed discharge papers together and left the hospital together. So bittersweet. Sweet because Judah was finally healthy and ready to leave. Bitter because I couldn't imagine the feelings his first parents were feeling.

The next day we were cleared to leave the state. It was a long drive with a newborn stopping every few hours for feedings and diaper changes but in the wee hours of Thanksgiving Day we pulled into our home in SC! What a way to start our Day of Thanksgiving!

Judah's Birthday Week - Part 1

 In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month and in order to feel all the feels that this week brings for our family, I want to share a bit of our Judah story. The picture above sums up our adoption story: 2 beautiful sons I love more than life itself! I never could have dreamed that I'd have the joy of being their Mama but I'm so thankful!

Judah will be one year old on November 12 and we had an early birthday celebration because Daddy is going out of town for a while and will miss his actual birthday. So I would like to write a few posts of the next few days to share how Judah came to be a part of our family. Adoption stories come with so many layers and personal details so I will hold those precious parts back but I would like to share more of his story because I haven't on my blog yet.

Stay tuned for more...

We had a double birthday party with Judah's friend Donovan who turned 1 the day before!

The two 1-year olds

2022: The Year of Being Humbled

 

2022: The Year of Being Humbled

Isn’t it funny that when you hear the word “humbled” you immediately think of negative things right? Thankfully in the course of this year, even though I have been in the “crucible” of humbling, as I ponder all the ways that I have been humbled in 2022, they are all very good things and I’m so thankful God is taking me through this process.

The beginning of 2022 I was adjusting to having a new baby. I knew adopting another newborn would bring extra work but I also somehow thought we would all just go about normal life and the baby would come along. But that’s not really how it worked. We had to go through quite the transition. It was wonderful but I remember it took a while before I admitted to myself that I didn’t really have it all together and this was harder than I thought it would be. Level 1 of Being Humbled.

In March we moved our family back to Uganda, with our three older boys back at Rift Valley Academy and the four remaining Faders in Adjumani. I figured we had made this transition so many times over the last 15 years of being on the mission field, it wouldn’t be a big deal. But it took months to adjust! 

In addition, silly me, thought I could continue doing all the things I’d been doing in our church and in our community BEFORE we adopted Judah. It took me at least 4 months to finally realize that I couldn’t. I was in a new season of life. I had a 4 year old who needed lots of training and discipling and a baby who was adjusting to the heat and wouldn’t let anyone hold him but Eli and I. One by one I had to let go of things and remind myself that I was in a season. A sweet season. A season in which I needed to stay home and pour into my littles. The harder lesson I had to learn was that this is enough. This is all God was asking of me. I had to release the guilt. Stop worrying about what people would think. And make the most of these fleeting days when my littles are still small. Level 2 of Being Humbled.

Let me just say though that I lingered in Level 2 for quite some time. God used several really good books (one of which I’ve already mentioned on our blog) to re-center me and remind me of truth that I desperately needed to hear. I so easily get caught up in DOING and what I’m DOING for the Lord and for others. I find my value in what I’ve done. This is an awful trap that sucks the life right out of us and I learned that in the book, “Finding Rest when the Work is Never Done” by Patrick Klingaman.

I began to sit in the truths of WHO I AM in Christ from Ephesians chapter 1 and as I began to rest and be still before the Lord, He helped me recuperate from a pretty weary place of self-bashing. I also read another great book called “Get Your Life Back” by John Eldredge in which he shares a bunch of “graces” or things we can do in our days to bring more stillness and peace instead of the stress and crazy rat race that so many people get caught up in. It was so refreshing.

In the month of October sickness hit our house for a solid 3 weeks and that further humbled me. Not only was every minute of my time used for nursing my sick baby but it got to the point where even Eli and I were sick and we just locked ourselves in our compound and laid around so as not to pass the germs. We weren’t doing anything of value by worldly standards and yet I could feel Level 3 of being humbled and I knew it was good. What better way for you to realize how unimportant you are than to be sick. You can’t cook. You aren’t much fun. And you definitely can’t help anyone.

Speaking of being unimportant. You would think I had learned this lesson already but I haven’t. And that is that I am not everyone’s savior. It sounds so wrong to write it out. How could I ever believe that I am anyone’s savior? And yet when I really think about it, I take it upon myself most days to try to fix peoples’ problems and help them in any way I can. The thing is, sometimes yes, we need to do something to help. But sometimes God has a different way. And I’ve also had to continue this testing of my heart this year. Several of our close friends here are in the middle of really tough trials. One of my closest friends’ brother was in a terrible motorcycle accident and the hospital ended up deciding to amputate one of his legs right below the knee. He’s only 22. Another good friend’s husband is slowly dying from painful neck cancer which is spreading to his spine and who knows where else in his body. They’ve had to sell so much of their business and livelihood to pay for his chemo treatments and doctor appointments in the big city. They have two young children and her husband is a new believer wanting to live his life for Jesus. But now it looks like his life will be cut short. Everything inside of me wishes I could take this suffering away. I spend hours each week pondering what my role is and what can I do to help? And again, part of God’s humbling me is helping me remember again that it’s not up to me. I’m not the one who can do anything. It’s our Mighty God. Level 4 of Being Humbled. Realizing I’m not superwoman and I can’t fix peoples’ problems. Releasing that responsibility to the Lord is my friends’ best hope but also such a relief to me.

Well it’s only November and we still have 2 months of the year left so I’m sure there is more humbling to come. I will try to embrace it and allow the Humbling Process to continue, trusting that the results of this humbling will be worth it.

Just Trust

My friend Eunice 

It's been a little more than a month since I last wrote on our blog. During that month we had more visitors from the States and different people staying with us. I love to host so it's been fun but there have definitely been some days of exhaustion. Thankfully, Eli and I are slowly but surely putting new practices into action, trying to pay attention to when we're feeling weary so we can give ourselves space and a chance to recharge so we can always be ready for whatever and however God wants to use us here. It's still a learning process but we've had much encouragement as we attempt new rhythms of rest.

Eli showing Carson a chameleon he found on the road. Carson wasn't thrilled.

Life continued as usual for the month of September with a few new additions. I began homeschooling Carson - we are only doing preschool so it means less than an hour of school work every day but it's been a special time for the two of us while Judah is napping.

Eli continues to gather his research for his PhD dissertation while also traveling to different refugee settlements to check on the theological training centers. We are so encouraged as these students continue with their education. The diploma program is also going strong with a steady 11-14 students.

Carson writing his A's

Both Carson and Judah are growing so fast. I can't believe that Judah will be one year old next month! Carson's new thing lately is that he loves to help. He loves to help me in the kitchen cooking or washing dishes, he helps Eli feed and care for our chickens and dog and he especially likes to help take care of his little brother.

Sharing a popsicle

Isaac in a game against their big rival school

We are happy to report that Isaac, Evan and Joshua continue to thrive at school in Kenya. All three boys are playing soccer this term and trying to keep up with heavy class loads. Isaac is also filling out college applications, FAFSA forms and applying for scholarships. Please pray for him with all these big life decisions ahead of him. This weekend Isaac, Evan and Joshua will bus overnight to Kampala where we get to spend 4 full days with them for their fall midterm break. 

In addition to normal life I am continuing to grow in my thoughts about rest and more recently TRUST. I feel almost silly sharing what God has been teaching me because it's so elementary and simple and yet it's making big, good waves in my heart right now. I was recently talking to a friend about my stress and feeling frustrated that I can't cope better with slight changes in my plans or things out of my control. Don't we all know that as much as we wish we had control, we don't?! WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL! But who is? God is. I know, it sounds so cliche but it's true. Only God is in control. Can I trust that He is always in control and working for my good? Yes I sure can. That means it won't be MY way. It will be HIS way. So instead of getting bent out of shape when something or someone doesn't "go my way" and I'm not in control, the phrase I'm repeating to myself is "Just Trust." 

That same friend reminded me of the Serenity Prayer below. Read it:

 So my mission in my personal spiritual growth is working to ACCEPT what I can't control and what I can't change and have the courage to trust. God is absolutely trustworthy. I just need to live like He is!

Rest

The computer and I are not getting along very well this afternoon but I'm so determined to write this post. I'm going to ignore that the text is red and underlined! We just got home to Adjumani on Thursday after being away for 10 days. We wanted to have a special family vacation away with our three older boys before they headed back to school for this next term. We stayed at a beautiful camp right on Lake Victoria and had a most wonderful time.

We spent most of our days swimming, canoeing and hiking through the lush rainforest.

It was so good to have time to sit and be still, enjoying watching my boys play together and soaking in God's creation. It's amazing how helpful it is to get away. It's like you can suddenly see your life from new eyes and can be so helpful for evaluating how we're doing and what we can be doing better. These last few months have been soooo exhausting and I've been reading a very insightful book called "Finding Rest when the work is never done" and it opened my eyes to see that I've actually not been functioning in a very healthy way and I need to make some changes.

Carson is already greatly missing his big brothers but we're so thankful for all the little friends he has here in our neighborhood.

This was my favorite right here. Waking up early to have coffee and sit with Jesus. Reading His Word, journaling and one thing I did differently this vacation was to spend more time listening to Him than speaking.

While the littles were sleeping we sat around the campfire with our 3 big boys and talked about the new school year ahead;

So yeah, we had a marvelous family time away. We put the boys on a bus back to Kenya, spent a few days in the city doing some errands and came home on Thursday. I wish I could properly explain all that God is doing in my heart as He speaks to me about margin and being still and that He loves me no matter what and that doesn't depend on what I "do for Him." I'm 41 now and been a missionary for 15 years and yet I feel like God is still teaching me some very basic things about who I am. I'm trying to peel back layers to figure out what the root of my crazy overdrive is. Both Eli and I are "ALL IN" kind of people plus we're people pleasers and have a hard time saying "No" so that is a recipe for a cycle of fatigue/burnout that I'm just so tired of facing. I know there's got to be a better way.I hope to share more along this journey. But for now, I'm over here in Uganda sipping coffee while my baby naps and trying not to feel guilty that I stayed home from a funeral for an elderly lady in our church.