2022: The Year of Being Humbled

 

2022: The Year of Being Humbled

Isn’t it funny that when you hear the word “humbled” you immediately think of negative things right? Thankfully in the course of this year, even though I have been in the “crucible” of humbling, as I ponder all the ways that I have been humbled in 2022, they are all very good things and I’m so thankful God is taking me through this process.

The beginning of 2022 I was adjusting to having a new baby. I knew adopting another newborn would bring extra work but I also somehow thought we would all just go about normal life and the baby would come along. But that’s not really how it worked. We had to go through quite the transition. It was wonderful but I remember it took a while before I admitted to myself that I didn’t really have it all together and this was harder than I thought it would be. Level 1 of Being Humbled.

In March we moved our family back to Uganda, with our three older boys back at Rift Valley Academy and the four remaining Faders in Adjumani. I figured we had made this transition so many times over the last 15 years of being on the mission field, it wouldn’t be a big deal. But it took months to adjust! 

In addition, silly me, thought I could continue doing all the things I’d been doing in our church and in our community BEFORE we adopted Judah. It took me at least 4 months to finally realize that I couldn’t. I was in a new season of life. I had a 4 year old who needed lots of training and discipling and a baby who was adjusting to the heat and wouldn’t let anyone hold him but Eli and I. One by one I had to let go of things and remind myself that I was in a season. A sweet season. A season in which I needed to stay home and pour into my littles. The harder lesson I had to learn was that this is enough. This is all God was asking of me. I had to release the guilt. Stop worrying about what people would think. And make the most of these fleeting days when my littles are still small. Level 2 of Being Humbled.

Let me just say though that I lingered in Level 2 for quite some time. God used several really good books (one of which I’ve already mentioned on our blog) to re-center me and remind me of truth that I desperately needed to hear. I so easily get caught up in DOING and what I’m DOING for the Lord and for others. I find my value in what I’ve done. This is an awful trap that sucks the life right out of us and I learned that in the book, “Finding Rest when the Work is Never Done” by Patrick Klingaman.

I began to sit in the truths of WHO I AM in Christ from Ephesians chapter 1 and as I began to rest and be still before the Lord, He helped me recuperate from a pretty weary place of self-bashing. I also read another great book called “Get Your Life Back” by John Eldredge in which he shares a bunch of “graces” or things we can do in our days to bring more stillness and peace instead of the stress and crazy rat race that so many people get caught up in. It was so refreshing.

In the month of October sickness hit our house for a solid 3 weeks and that further humbled me. Not only was every minute of my time used for nursing my sick baby but it got to the point where even Eli and I were sick and we just locked ourselves in our compound and laid around so as not to pass the germs. We weren’t doing anything of value by worldly standards and yet I could feel Level 3 of being humbled and I knew it was good. What better way for you to realize how unimportant you are than to be sick. You can’t cook. You aren’t much fun. And you definitely can’t help anyone.

Speaking of being unimportant. You would think I had learned this lesson already but I haven’t. And that is that I am not everyone’s savior. It sounds so wrong to write it out. How could I ever believe that I am anyone’s savior? And yet when I really think about it, I take it upon myself most days to try to fix peoples’ problems and help them in any way I can. The thing is, sometimes yes, we need to do something to help. But sometimes God has a different way. And I’ve also had to continue this testing of my heart this year. Several of our close friends here are in the middle of really tough trials. One of my closest friends’ brother was in a terrible motorcycle accident and the hospital ended up deciding to amputate one of his legs right below the knee. He’s only 22. Another good friend’s husband is slowly dying from painful neck cancer which is spreading to his spine and who knows where else in his body. They’ve had to sell so much of their business and livelihood to pay for his chemo treatments and doctor appointments in the big city. They have two young children and her husband is a new believer wanting to live his life for Jesus. But now it looks like his life will be cut short. Everything inside of me wishes I could take this suffering away. I spend hours each week pondering what my role is and what can I do to help? And again, part of God’s humbling me is helping me remember again that it’s not up to me. I’m not the one who can do anything. It’s our Mighty God. Level 4 of Being Humbled. Realizing I’m not superwoman and I can’t fix peoples’ problems. Releasing that responsibility to the Lord is my friends’ best hope but also such a relief to me.

Well it’s only November and we still have 2 months of the year left so I’m sure there is more humbling to come. I will try to embrace it and allow the Humbling Process to continue, trusting that the results of this humbling will be worth it.