Taking Courage in the Waiting

These months in the United States have been such a healing time for our whole family. Though a part of our hearts is still in South Sudan, God has confirmed to us again and again how much we needed this year in America. It's been a season of stability and rest, healing, processing, fun, growth, and sweet family time. It hasn't all been smooth and easy. We're two months into the new school year and STILL trying to figure things out - still getting into the groove of homework, sports events, and making friends. But it's been beautiful.

Y'all know how much I love music and often the Lord teaches me and encourages my heart through a good song. Lately the song I'm dwelling on is called "Take Courage". I'm going to paste the lyrics here and hopefully will figure out how to also put the link to watch the video on Youtube with the music and lyrics.

"Take Courage" by Bethel Music:

Slow down, take time
Breath in He said
He'd reveal what's to come
The thoughts in His mind
Always higher than mine
He'll reveal all to come

Take courage my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He's in the waiting
He's in the waiting
Hold onto your hope
As your triumph unfolds
He's never failing
He's never failing

Sing praise my soul
Find strength in joy
Let His Words lead you on
Do not forget
His great faithfulness
He'll finish all He's begun

So take courage my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He's in the waiting
He's in the waiting
Hold onto your hope
As your triumph unfolds
He's never failing
He's never failing

And You who hold the stars
Who call them each by name
Will surely keep, Your promise to me
That I will rise, in Your victory
And You who hold the stars
Who call them each by name
Will surely keep, Your promise to me
That I will rise, in Your victory!

So take courage my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He's in the waiting
He's in the waiting
And hold onto your hope
Watch your triumph unfold
He's never failing
He's never failing!

He's in the waiting...

Over the years I have found that it's in the waiting seasons that I draw near to God and feel Him come close. Those are the times my faith and trust are tested and refined and the relationship that comes through the process is beautiful, sweet, and better than anything I could have experienced without the waiting.

So... Take Courage. He's in the Waiting.

Click on the below link to listen to this song:

https://youtu.be/LJoABwNMzvM

It's OK to be Needy

As you can see by the cartoon above and what is communicated in many movies and love songs, being needy is a negative thing. I too have always tried not to appear too needy. I don't want to be a needy wife. I try not to be a needy friend. I want to be able to do things myself and not have to depend on anyone else. But today as I was cooling off from a nice run and walking through my neighborhood, I was pouring out my heart to God in prayer and suddenly realized how NEEDY I sounded!  And that felt like a bad thing. But then a 2nd thought hit me immediately after and that is this: Being needy isn't a bad thing. At least from the Lord's perspective. He wants us to recognize our need for Him and bring our every need to Him.

For some reason this seemed like such a light bulb moment. One of those realizations that I think will change my thinking for the rest of my life. Yeah, I know we're supposed to trust God and depend on Him in everything. But He also wants us to realize how much we need Him. It's actually a good thing to be needy. Because then we realize it's not about us fixing our problem or trying to have it all together. It's about realizing we actually don't want to be in charge. Rather WE NEED CHRIST. We need Him in every situation - for our friend's heartache, the sick woman in our church, my latest hopes and dreams, my marriage, you name it.

So I've decided I'm not going to be ashamed of being needy.
Instead I want to acknowledge how much I need the Lord in every aspect of my life because James 4:10 encourages: "When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on Him, He will lift you up and give you honor."

A Peak into our Journey of Loss

Written by Eli

How do you deal with it all?  Loss.  Grief.  Sorrow.  Our family is struggling with leaving South Sudan.  We realize that we are not alone.  So many people have suffered or are in the midst of suffering from loss.  Each one of our family is processing the loss of team, friends, home, ministry and dreams in their own way.  

Here are some of our reflections and things that have helped us through this time.  

     Expressing my Doubts to God

Psalm 73 has been powerful in my life these past few months. Asaph admits his doubts and near hopelessness as he looks at what is going on in the world. His words reflect my own doubts and struggles. Psalm 73 ends with a declaration of hope in the Lord who holds eternity in his hand. It is a declaration of faith...something hoped for but not yet seen.  Our hope in Christ is sure. What is this thing called grief? Our family has learned a lot about the process and mechanics of grief through this clever story.  It has been very useful to help our kids to make sense of the sadness in their hearts and how they can deal with it. Processing Together How do you walk through the grief cycle with your kids?  We used this book for devotions for a while and it helped our boys understand that loss is part of everyone's life and it relates the grief cycle as moving from village to village, something our family could relate to.   Being Self-focused Oh man, this has been hard. We knew we needed to just hide away for a time and just be together as a family.  But how could we be so selfish?  We have been stretched in the number of times we said 'no', left things undone, and were focused on our needs...for a time.   Peeling the Onion A few of us in our family are going to professional counseling.  We need to peel back the cover of our daily lives to get down to the feelings and emotions that lie a little deeper inside.  We need to let the tears flow and process what is going on in our hearts.  I believe the LORD uses everything in his economy.  I know he will use what we have gone through for his kingdom.  We want to grow through this so that, "being comforted, we can better comfort others" (2 Corinthians 1:4). Rejoicing in Victories Our teammates in South Sudan are witnessing unbelievable growth in numbers, depth in faith, and witness by believers to the communities around them.   Here is a picture of the JumJum church which has doubled in size since the fighting at Christmas.  The believers from different tribes are visiting each other despite continuing tribal conflict.   The Comfort of the Body of Christ Bethany has enjoyed reading this book.  The premise is that often we shy away from people who are suffering because we cannot relate or we don't know what to say.  This book encourages to simply be present.  We have felt the loving hugs of so many people over these past months.  The body of Christ has prayed for us faithfully.  We have had 2 vans donated to us.  Many people have given financial gifts to us. Our home church stocked our kitchen shelves and helped us move in to our home.  A friend helped fund-raise so that our children could attend a Christian School this year.  We were able to cross the United States by car and were welcomed in many, many homes. What a blessing to be a part of the body of Christ!  We have been greatly comforted by the presence of others. Loss is not something you "get over".  It becomes part of you and your story.  It is not about getting over it but rather allowing it to make you a better person.  We are by no means over our issues but we are on the right road of growing through it.  We hold on to the truth that nothing is in vain.  There is a purpose, albeit often hidden, to the hills and valleys, sun and storms of this life. "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12-13 So we are holding on to the promise that His glory will be revealed...through this journey and because of this journey of grief and loss.

Our Love Story

RVA Banquet 1999

Since we are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary today, I can't help but feel a little nostalgic after going through hundreds of photos that represent our marvelous life together so far. So in the spirit of the occasion, I want to share some of our love story. 

I first laid eyes on Eli Fader as a new 9th grade student at Rift Valley Academy, a boarding school in Kenya for missionary children. He was on the soccer field and the reason my eyes were drawn to him was his neon pink Umbro shorts! I remember thinking, "Yikes, ok, so he's interesting..."

Though Eli and I knew of each other through high school, we didn't really start getting to know one another better until our senior year. He was actually better friends with my roommate and so he started coming to our dorm room window after lock down in the evenings. One night she wasn't there so he and I started chatting and next thing you know, he was showing up at our window to talk to ME! (Yes, this was very much against the rules.)

At the beginning of 1999 for the Junior/Senior Banquet, the event of the year at our school, Eli asked me to be his date. I was so excited because I knew I'd have a good time with him. Everyone loved Eli - he was kind to all and a lot of fun. It was after that Banquet night that my feelings for Eli began to change. I'll never forget the day I was on my way to 7th period and I heard Eli call my name. No joke - my heart started going nuts and I remember thinking, "What in the world is going on???" He was just asking me if he could borrow a pencil for his class, but boy did I feel special.

A few months later we finally had the DTR conversation (Define The Relationship). Eli said he wasn't interested in starting anything if we would just cut it off at graduation in a few months. I agreed that that would be silly. But I was in. All in. So we became a couple - May 1999.

I was a faithful fan at his rugby games

As graduation neared, I remember feeling dread, knowing that we would soon be on different sides of the United States. Eli had been accepted at Calvin College in Michigan and I was going to Multnomah Bible College in Oregon. We had no idea what lie ahead for us but we were determined to stay together. I remember sobbing with Eli the night before graduation.

Graduation day - July 1999

For the next 2 1/2 years we persevered through a long distance relationship. Every six months we'd find some way to see each other - at Christmas and during the summer. We spent many hours on the phone...

It meant talking on the phone whenever we could

Halfway through our sophomore year of college, Eli asked me to marry him. We had known by graduation day from high school that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together but our parents had cautioned us to finish college first. Eli had been trying to convince me to transfer to Moody Bible Institute where he had transferred for his sophomore year - both because they had a great program for what I was majoring in and so we could be together finally. With both of our parents' blessings, we decided to get married and finish at Moody together. I'm so thankful we took that huge step, as scary as it was at the young age of 21.

Our Wedding Day - June 22, 2002

Totally thrilled to start our lives together!

 Life as a couple was sweeter than we could have imagined. I remember thinking how wonderful it was that we never had to say goodbye, just goodnight. We did have to be a little creative - working part time and finishing school part time but we did it and graduated in 2004, two years later.

Oh and did I mention that we received a special surprise only a year and a half after our wedding? The double pink lines on a pregnancy test! We were pregnant with our first child. So when I walked across the stage to receive my degree, I admit that I waddled a bit - at 7 months pregnant! (hmmm, I wonder why I don't have any pictures of that?!)

On July 20, 2004 we welcomed Isaac Amani into our family! 

Life changed quite a lot when Isaac was born. Now that Eli and I had completed our undergraduate studies, only a month after our baby was born, we moved to Columbia, South Carolina so that Eli could continue with his studies - now at seminary. We already knew at this point that we were heading for the mission field, specifically Sudan, so we wanted to be well-equipped.

In 2006, a few months before Eli finished his Master's degree, our 2nd son came along and we were thrilled to be a family of four.

Eli's graduation

Once we started having kids and our schooling was finished (for the meantime), life seemed to fast forward a bit. We went through a rigorous 2 year missionary training course with our church and joined SIM to be sent to Sudan.

Our Commissioning service at SIM in 2006

Raising support was a whirlwind but God provided quickly and only a year later we were in the air heading to our new field - Yabus, Sudan. I honestly don't know how to sum up those years of schooling and preparing for the mission field but it was a beautiful season for our marriage to grow and for us to practice stepping out in faith and supporting one another as we did so.

Arriving at the Yabus airstrip, June 2007

Landing in Sudan after so many years of praying and preparing was a dream come true. Though overwhelming in many ways, especially with 2 little boys ages 1 and 3, we couldn't wait to learn Arabic, find our place and see God move. It was a very steep learning curve and even though we'd been married for 5 years, we saw new sides of each other and were pushed to our limits on a daily basis. The most memorable thing about those first years on the mission field for us was the nearness of God. Because we knew we could not get through a single day without His strength and empowering, we learned to depend and trust on Him more than we ever had before.

Family of Five on the Yabus River

 Six months into our new adventure of life in Sudan we found out we were expecting our 3rd, Joshua. We flew to Kenya for his birth and once we had all his papers and passport in hand, we returned to our home in Yabus. During our 2nd year I remember feeling like we were starting to get our feet under us, finally able to communicate a bit in Arabic and figure out our giftings and how to use them. Eli had already been asked to lead our team of different cultures (Ethiopia, Scotland, Nigeria, India, etc) so that was a stretching experience for our young family. I found that my respect and admiration for my husband continued to grow as Eli stepped up in leadership and really shone in his ministry.

A year in Khartoum, Sudan 2011

 We began our 2nd 3-year term in Khartoum so we could focus full time on learning more Arabic. We spent a year in Arabic language classes and immersing ourselves in visits and different cultural experiences.

2012 - Our 10th anniversary

Our Special Arrival in Melut, June 2012 

2012 was a significant year for Eli and I. That was the year we found our "sweet spot" in life. Through a series of events out of our control, the Lord led us to Melut, in the new South Sudan. While we were studying Arabic in Khartoum, fighting and war broke out in Yabus and our compound was bombed and left deserted. After praying, we believed God was leading us to teach at Gideon Theological College in Melut, on the Nile River.

Life on the Nile wasn't easy but it was so obvious that was where we belonged. Eli absolutely loved teaching. We loved the set up of the college. Students were strongly encouraged to move their whole families to campus so we lived on a large compound with families from at least 5 different tribes. Eli taught the men. I visited, taught and lived life on life with the student wives and all our children played together.

This was how we got away on "dates" in South Sudan

Eli teaching his first English workshop

Eli blossomed at Gideon Theological College and honestly, a huge part of our hearts will always remain there.

Graduation 2013 was a big day for us

 Through many hardships, God allowed our class of 16 students to graduate in November 2013, only days before fighting broke out and our whole team had to leave.

We spent 2014 in the United States praying about what God might have in store for us next. We longed to return to Melut but we knew that the new "normal" in South Sudan was going to be tense and unstable. After a whole year of praying and seeking advice, we knew God was holding the door open for us to return.

May 2015 - celebrating one month in Melut again with our teammate Claire

 But sadly, our time in Melut was short and we were evacuated after only 6 weeks because of fighting in Melut. The college campus was also looted and we lost most of the school's belongings and everything in our home. We felt stuck. Our hearts were in South Sudan but we didn't know how much of this our family could handle.

After taking several months in Kenya to process and heal from losing our home and our "sweet spot" in Melut, the Lord guided us to Doro, another SIM base in South Sudan, only four hours away from Melut. Eli and I found that we clung to each other all the more through the unknowns and we were so grateful that God unified our hearts and vision during this time.

Eli teaching in Kaya, a refugee camp in Doro area

Isn't it amazing that even through the lowest of lows, God flamed the love in our hearts! We have had to be very creative to find ways to "date" in village life. In Doro, every now and then our teammates invited our kids for a special evening of pizza and games. Eli and I would take advantage of those opportunities and have a date-in at home. For our 14th anniversary last year, I spent the greater part of the day rolling my own lasagna noodles, making ricotta cheese and putting a lasagna together for my husband and I to enjoy on our anniversary date in our back yard. It was soooo worth it!

Fresh out of the charcoal oven

Badminton doubles at Samaritan's Purse compound

 I hope I'm not painting a Fairy Tale picture of our marriage though sometimes it has felt like that. We have had to work hard in communication, serving one another, and making each other a priority in the midst of parenting, ministry and overseas life and stresses. But all that hard work has paid off. My heart is full as I come to the end of this post about our first 15 years of marriage. I never could have thought that marriage could be this sweet. Honestly, I thought we'd be bored of each other by now. But it many ways, I feel like our adventure is just beginning.

Happy Anniversary to my Beloved!

2017 - still very much in love

When You Go Through Deep Waters...

A month has passed since the night I drove our van - the van God gave us for free when we arrived in the States -  into a deep ditch of water on a dark, rain stormy night. It was one of those experiences where I couldn't believe it was really happening. We'd just arrived in Naperville, IL and while Eli got the boys settled down for bed, I decided to run out to Walmart real quick for some things.
 It was dark and raining very hard. I was following directions on my GPS but missed the turn so I looked ahead for a street to turn on so I could find a place to turn around. As I slowed to turn at the street sign, instead of driving on the road, somehow I must have turned too soon and didn't see that there was a deep ditch full of water that was also covering the road. There was no impact. I just suddenly found myself sinking nose down in deep waters that were quickly coming in through the hood and over my lap. I grabbed my purse and pushed the driver's door open so I could get out. I remember thinking that I didn't know how deep it was - I could have driven into a pond for all I knew!

Dark and rainy so the picture isn't too clear.

 When I pushed myself out of the door, I found myself in cold water up to my waist. I got up to a dry place, off the road where I knew I'd be safe from passing cars. In what seemed like forever but was probably just about a minute or two, a police car drove up and the officer came over to check on me to see if I was alright. I told him I was shaken up and couldn't get a hold of my husband. He let me sit inside of his car where it was dry to wait for the tow truck and let Eli know what had happened.

After a very complicated tow to get the van out of the water, the kind police man drove me back to our hotel where Eli was waiting for me. The next day was a blur - moving in with friends who also lent us their van to drive, putting all our belongings out to dry to see what we could salvage, settling our bill at the tow company (they started out asking for $2800!!!) and realizing our van was totaled. However, before we even had confirmation that our van was totaled, Eli received an unbelievable phone call - the compassionate "Samaritan", as we called him, was a friend of one of our best friends, and wanted to buy us a new van! BUY US A NEW VAN! What???? Who does that?

We were in shock but also in total awe of our God. The same God who said, "I will be with you when you go through deep waters", provided above and beyond for our family and gave us the most incredible van!

Drying out all our stuff

Most precious to me were my journals from the past few years in South Sudan

Here it is!
Our new 2012 Honda Odyssey Van

To be honest, in the weeks since this whole episode happened, I have gone over the details again and again in my mind. As I gazed at the soggy and smeared pages of my precious journals I asked the Lord, "Have I really not had enough lessons on losing everything? What else do I need to learn?!"

I'm not sure why and how I drove our old van into the water ditch that night. It definitely ripped open the "scab" that was healing over my heart after losing everything in our home in Doro over Christmas. One thing I do know: God wanted to show off. He wanted to teach our family yet again that He is walking through the hard times and "deep waters"  with us. And though the lessons aren't easy, He is forever faithful and true, going before us and providing in spectacular ways. Experiences like this remind me all over again why I've committed to living my life 100% for my God. There is nothing to fear.

He's got this. HE'S GOT ME.

Our First Month back in America

Lots of Travels

April 13 - arrived in LA on British Airways after a very smooth trip 

First stop: a week with my sister and her family in sunny California

The boys were thrilled about our first McDonalds stop

Our free van which we called "God's Car"

Sweet Reunions with Special Friends

From California we traveled north and stopped to visit friends and supporters in Oregon and Washington. We spoke at a supporting church on Sunday and then began heading east, heading into some pretty cold weather and SNOW!

Yep, I sunk in the snow :)

Feeling a little chilly

So thankful for this van!

In Idaho with my roommate from college!

Crazy Evan insisted on wearing shorts and a t-shirt in the snow! 

We prefer picnics at rest stops rather than fast food

We found a cool Dinosaur Museum on our way thru Montana

We even went up into Manitoba to meet "heroes of the faith" we've been longing to meet.

Joshua testing out roller blading

 So now here we are in Naperville, IL, one of the most beautiful neighborhoods in the United States. We are having a very refreshing time with family friends and while we're here for 11 days, squeezing in some rest and family time between meetings, speaking engagements and reunions with friends.

These boys are such good sports in the midst of all this travel.