Back to our Reality:
A few days ago I was enjoying hot showers, Dr. Peppers, and eating out. Today I felt the stark contrast of my life, my reality here. My reality check started yesterday at 2:30 am when I had to wake my children and husband to head to the airport for our journey back to South Sudan. In the van on the way to the airport I realized that I needed to pray over every step of the journey. We had to first fly to Kenya where we then had to change planes and arrive in Juba in time to join the mission charter plane. It was a chain and it needed to all work without a hitch. And it did, other than an hour and a half delay in our 1st flight and almost having to leave a teammate behind, we made it to Doro by 1 pm, just in time for lunch.
In a flurry of hugs, handshakes and greetings, all I could think about was all the cleaning and unpacking ahead of me. Since we'd been in limbo for the last two weeks, not really knowing when or even if we could return to South Sudan, I felt very eager to be settled again and get back into some kind of routine (notice I don't even try to use the word, "normal"). All afternoon I swept away cobwebs, wiped things down and unpacked the next 3 months worth of supplies, battling pangs of guilt as I stacked cans of fruits and vegetables knowing so many of my Sudanese friends are hungry every day.
Even though I've been living this "bush" life for 9 years, I still had to fight to crank my brain into the right mode - trying to think of what to cook for dinner for my family. Should I take the time to light the charcoal - the more economical option - or splurge and cook on propane which is much faster? Should I dig into our fresh stock of canned goods or resort to the local lentils? By thte time we got the boys in bed by 7 (because of our early morning), Eli and I were ready to head to bed right after them!
First morning back and I am woken at 6 am by several booms and some gunfire. I told myself it was thunder and rolled over to go back to sleep. A half hour later, our kittens who missed us dreadfully started meowing to let them in, the rooster started crowing and my mind instantly kicked into gear.
Shortly after 7 am we got a phone call confirming that yes, the 6:00 booms were clashes about a 45 minute drive from us. So this is how South Sudan welcomes us back after a month away! Unrest rmeans Eli spends extra time on the phone and meeting with key people in the community who pass news and information on to him. Basically, he jumped right back into his role as team leader!
Fast forward a few hours - the house was unpacked, the kids were out in the neighborhood playing happily with their friends, so I decided to go visit and greet all my neighbor friends. I drank tea and coffee and helped my friend chop onions while she told me some of the sad tales of what July was like for her - sickness, hunger, unrest, etc.
I walked home, my heart heavy, my emotions all over the place and the words to one of my favorite hymns came to mind: "I need Thee every hour." This was significant because one week ago, missionary friends prayed over our return to South Sudan and asked us to choose a song to sing. We chose "I need Thee every hour". And today, when those words came to mind, I couldn't help thinking that God had been preparing us days ago for what we would return to.
Another God thing is that the day before we flew back to South Sudan God led me to read from Deuteronomy 31 where God (and Moses) encouraged Joshua to be strong and courageous with the reminder that the Lord would personally go with him and even go ahead of him. These verses were so comforting as I prayed and anticipated our return, I even shared them with Eli. Then the day after we arrive, new clashes occur. It was timely - God's loving timing - to bolster me with courage and remind me He went before me and is with me now.
I know this post might sound negative. Honestly, my heart is feeling lifted, positive and at peace. I can't allow the circumstances of this war-torn country and the suffering of its people to steal my hope. God is Here. He is doing something. And I'm so thankful He brought our family back - however long that might be.